I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
