So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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