I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
