I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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