Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
