I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
