Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
