Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize