My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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