Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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