you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.