you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
