someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.