Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

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  (303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. http://tfl.nu/620d
  Replies (20) Good night (5612) Bad night (971)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cherish every text you send me

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  (410): I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland (412): I cherish every text you send me http://tfl.nu/05mc
  Replies (49) Good night (6096) Bad night (686)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.

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  (412): i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on. http://tfl.nu/zkya
  Replies (13) Good night (3854) Bad night (702)
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  (+52): View more from Mexico

  that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.

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  (+52): that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time. http://tfl.nu/nkav
  Replies (10) Good night (4534) Bad night (1358)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

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  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6666) Bad night (1621)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.

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  (570): do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome. http://tfl.nu/5az6
  Replies (5) Good night (5151) Bad night (703)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.

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  (813): There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet. http://tfl.nu/6irr
  Replies (16) Good night (962) Bad night (2949)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.

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  (270): Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night. http://tfl.nu/gp7l
  Replies (7) Good night (2513) Bad night (1419)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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  (440): vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night? http://tfl.nu/3xi4
  Replies (10) Good night (923) Bad night (2606)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking

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  (801): Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking http://tfl.nu/5hl3
  Replies (11) Good night (3915) Bad night (821)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.

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  (574): I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus. http://tfl.nu/ya8h
  Replies (4) Good night (2297) Bad night (687)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."

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  (850): Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening." http://tfl.nu/4kvm
  Replies (5) Good night (460) Bad night (819)
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  (424): View more from California

  The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "

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  (424): The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here " http://tfl.nu/afkn
  Replies (8) Good night (2961) Bad night (388)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow

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  (612): I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow http://tfl.nu/y8rx
  Replies (2) Good night (368) Bad night (358)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her

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  (717): Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her http://tfl.nu/d0n9
  Replies (2) Good night (241) Bad night (436)

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