I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
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After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Drake has all the answers
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.