i don't like sucking hair
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Randomize
