im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.