So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis