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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
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