margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
