You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
