I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
