i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
