I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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