i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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