I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
