how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
