I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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