i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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