and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
