Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
