I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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