I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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