so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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