So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
