If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
