bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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