well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
