Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
