Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this boner is exhausting
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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