If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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