The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
