who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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