I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
