from now on my penis is your penis
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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