In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
