mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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