I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
