Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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