I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
