oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
