I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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