Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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