Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
