After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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