Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
