dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
