Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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