Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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