Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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