i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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