She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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