no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
