he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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