I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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