i permit you to call me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just threw up on my dentist
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
