I hate all girls vehemently.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
