is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
