Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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